It doesn't matter what Mr. Right did to me I just could not say no. I was so weak and helpless and I also felt alone. Sometimes I could not eat or drink. Other times I could not speak. I was missing a big part of my inside. I felt empty for years, and I had a very hard time dealing with men: looking at them, to speaking with them, moving around them, even sleeping with them. Why did I blame myself? I blamed myself because I felt guilty for many years.

Sometimes I just want to be alone and when that time comes it doesn't matter what I am doing. It doesn't matter who I am with. I always need to split. Or sometimes if I don't get my silent moments I get angry. Or if I am angry I just scream. I know what I am doing but sometimes I cannot control myself. I have a hard time listening to people and speaking to people. I cannot concentrate. I cannot see anymore. I know that I am living but I don't know why.

Sometimes I feel like screaming, other times I feel like bawling. Sometimes I feel like there is a fire burning inside me. I sometimes lock myself up inside my house and let it pass.